finalli everything is over for now... grampa passed away on thursday, april 15, at 04.08pm at Singapore General Hospital. i realli miss him badly. haven dreamt of him yet, so im hoping tt he'll quickly learn how2 enter ppl's dream n tok1 me. sometimes i still cant quite accept tt he's dead. nv actualli tot tt such a day whld cum, n such things will happen on me. my worse fears hab cum true... and im sad at de fact tt they hab buried my grampa under de soil... usualli he sleep on de bed!

de burial was on monday, de bus left hm at 1pm. before that, every1 was crying, coz tts de last time we see grampa lying b4 our eyes... he look so peaceful, as though he's sleeping, though usualli his mouth shld b open. de band came n played some songs when we prayed 2him 4 de last time. it was so heart wrenching... we were all crying so badly behind de van when we were standing behind it. gramma didnt cum wid us, coz they dun tink its suitable 4her. sometimes i wished it didnt happen so fast...

i was in such on tt very day, was having econs revision class. den i was havin break when i checked de hp 2 see if thr were any msges. i had 3 missed calls n a few msges.. saw mummy's msg 2 call her immediateli coz its urgent.. called her, den she told me grampa passed away. i really had a shock, n tears were cuming down. my legs felt shaky n rubbery. how can tis happen so suddenly?!! i just saw him de nite b4 n he was still alrite! i didnt quite beliieve wat mummy said n asked her y, how did it happen. den after tt i quickly packed my bad n rush out2 get a cab. on de way, i was sobbing, prayin 2 de buddha 2protect my grampa, still cant believe wat mum told me. still believe tt he's alive, onli in a dangerous situation. reachin de hospital i ran all de way, some ppl staring at my tear streaked face. i dun care! wat they noe? they noe nth.... i ran n ran, till i saw my parents n 4uncle n her wife outside.. den i tot everything was over.

i walked slowli 2 granpa's bed onli 2 see my cousins, elder bro, grampa n aunties thr. i stood behind them 2 catch a glimpse of grampa. den my dad call me 2 de other side whr i can stand beside him. de oxygen tube was still giving oxygen, but his eyes were closed. i cried n cried, den even shake grampa's shlder 2see if he whld open his eyes and gib me some response like he usualli whld. but he just lie down thr.. no response... i asked daddy if grampa was still breathing. he said no.... but thr's still some heartbeat. i knew it was all over... no breathing means no oxygen, no oxygen means no breathing, means he's dead! i was so sad... every1 is walkin in n out of de ward... i touched his face, it was so cold. i wished i can still touch him again... like how i used 2 when helping him apply moisturiser.i realli cant believe my eyes.. he was just thr b4 me aday ago.. how can things happen so quickly n suddenli?!! i even told him tt nite nt 2 take out de clip on his hand, coz de doctors wana keep a record of his heartbeat n blood pressure. but he keep taking it off. den i even hold his hand, so tt tt chld stop him frm pulling de clip...he was so much alive den. but m glad tt day i stayed in de hospital de longest amongst all my visits. but wat i regret was i didnt bring gramma thr tt nite.. coz daddy called me 2 see whr i was, n i told him i was in sch, goin 2de hospital direct.so on dee fateful day, gramma seems 2noe wat was goin on when she received de call, though my bro didnt tell her. but it came2 her as a shock... she's de saddest of all. coz grampa is usualli de1 at hm 2 accompany her. they always accompany each other at hm, both sleepin on their chair near de door...

i regret nt treatin grampa betta... i mean they all noe im fillial. but u noe sometimes i can get quite rude... but i told grampa yesterdae tt i'll learn, i'll change 4de betta. 3rd aunt asked me de other day wat grampa didnt like abt me.. i actualli chld named a few. den she said watever grampa didnt liked abt me is actualli my weak or bad pts. i promised 2him i'll change, though hope tt he'll gimme some time... he didnt liked me2 waste electricity, switching on de lights n 4gettin 2 switch them off. or switching on de aircon n goin somewhr else 2 do sth. he didnt like me 2 yell n yell n b so noisy. coz it usualli irritated him. he didnt like de way sometimes i argued wid my parents or wid them. i myself wished tt i wun b so rude in de future... i shldnt hab flared up when he was still thr. but i tink he knew tt i did tt because i loved him. coz i didnt like him 2 eat so many eggs or havin 2 crack a raw egg over his rice, coz de rice whldnt b so hot 2 cook de egg. i wished i haben argued wid him over de pkt of potato chips... i wished i wished... no pt wishing.... he's alreadi gone off 2 some whr. i told myself grampa has gone on 2 a betta place... some place like heaven whr its so lovely. hope he's not 2 lonely over thr. hope he will b able 2 make new frens thr. coz he's quite amiable n sociable..

i remember de times when he was still workin at chinatown. he'll n ask if i wana eat 'pak pang'. tt was de days when i was still young, always giving them trouble. sometimes he'll bring back red nail polish, when i told him i wan, coz was so vain tt time. sometimes when he's free he'll bring me eat prata at de prata shop near our hse. i still remember i was chewin on a gum n refused 2 spit it out. grampa told me if i spit it out i can hab some prata, which i tink i eventualli spit it out. i recalled grampa also bought me a big tube of smarties back den.. a very big 1. when i was in sec sch, i even brought him2 Carrefour, whr we bought some stuff, den got lost on de way out. den just nice passed by Mcdonald's whr he bought me a fries or drink... grampa dotes on me very much. but i used 2 scold him when we were watchin tv.. coz he always read de chi words, n i cant hear wat de ppl on tv was sayin... i regretted doin tt. i realli hope graampa can hear me now... i told him i'll take gd care of gramma n look after aaron. i told him i'll change 4de betta. i'll try 2 curb my anger n temper.which i realise im really rude 2my parents on some occasions.

grampa's soul is coming back on de 5th of may.. frm 11pm to 2am. hope he'll realli cum back, i miss his badly, hope he'll learn some skills 2 let us see him or maybe he'll b able 2 move objects.

i'll remember tis day... always.. 4ever...

in loving memory of my beloved grampa,
Mr Fong Noi Kuen,
frm ur grand daughter, Emily Fong