its been exactly a yr...how times flies. i couldn't sleep, so decided to come in and blog.

i've been thinking alot abt grampa todae... today's his 1st anniversary.

woke up at 6am this morning, den went to attend granduncle's funeral. yap indeed, he doesn't look like him after the 'make-up', my aunt even tot he looked a little like grampa. ha... hmm.....i wonder y must they always hav a band at such places, not tt i find them noisy but wouldn't it be better if we were to play songs from a cd or sth like tt? i was fighting back tears this morning, not tt i was crying for granduncle, but the whole thing reminded me of grampa, wat happened exactly a yr ago. it still haunted me. not tt i had nitemares abt tt, but it still lingers very clearly in my memory. i still can't accept the fact tt grampa has left... i mean, its alreadi been a yr, but it feels like everything just happened yesterday! my heart aches for him...i miss talking to him. i really mean it!

i still remember him calling me from his workplace, asking if i want chinese cakes. i remember him bringing back red nail polish from his workplace, him bringing me to the roti-prata shop... us eating at the macdonald's.

i possibly can i write out how i feel? don't tink tts possible... no words can comprehend how im feeling. somehow i keep regret things i did in the past... like raising my voice at him, little stupid petty things i did. but i tink thr's no room for regret now...we always regret after doing stupid things don't we? till now i still wonder y.....

tml we're going crystal jade at taka for lunch...i'm talking abt food now coz i'm hungry now...used up lotsa energy todae... can't blame me.

haizz...

LIFE IS LIKE A GUST OF WIND AND A TORRENT OF RAIN...

it is just so true...

my mock was a flop, granduncle just passed away, and he's gona be cremated tml, which coincidentally..... is grampa's death anniversary.

well,... i'm sure thr are others who have been thru such difficult times...

had cup noodles for lunch todae, coz while i was practising my AF sums, i heard this song i like very much. it's a very sad song, and reminds me of grampa. unable to control (and also coz thr was no1 else except me at my aunt's hse) i broke down... den eyes red, and felt awkward, i stayed at hm.

haizz...

LIFE IS FULL OF UPS AND DOWNS, WE GET TO ENJOY, BUT WE WERE ALSO FORCED TO GO THRU THE DIFFCULT TIMES. BUT WE'RE STILL TRYING TO FIND PEACE WITH OURSELVES.... EVEN TILL THE DAY WE DIE...

y am i being so philosophical? (dennis asked me this)
coz...i can't help it. i'm in one of those moods again......

so much so for this stupid computer, i typed so much in here yesterday and non of it was saved. stupid...

haizz... think life is short... another of my relative passed away. come to think of it, its kinda coincidental, coz apart from my grampa, he's de 3rd relative to pass away, sometime similar to the other of my relatives. hmmm... heard he had a tumour in his brain, and TB. i got to know from my mom tt TB is usually spread through saliva... so chances of his family getting infected is also high... hmm....

haizz... very frustrated and anxious abt exams, i'm only left with 1 mth, or rather 1 mth - 1 day. coz my 1st paper will be on 12th may. arrgghh...!! got back my cbis and af mock scripts yesterday. well... it was a flop! failed both of them.i needed 4 more marks to pass my cbis, and my af was terrible! haizz... i was so disappointed, coz joyce passed her cbis. i'm not being competitive, but then she studied it last min lor... while i started preparing for it a little earlier than her. bloody hell... perhaps being a little IT savy whld had helped alot in this subject. she scored 46, which was 12marks above the passing mark. (note: the passing mark is 34) sianzz.....i'm so jealous, envious and disappointed...

oh btw, did i mention i passed my mkting? but its also disappointing, coz i did 4 essays, scored the same marks as sandy who did 3 essays. HA! so roughly can tell who did more studying rite? actually i went out of point for the last qns.. or rather, i didnt know how to do tt qns, so i anyhow write. hhhaa...anyway, mkting couldn't have been any disappointing than af! i've never been so...so.so........ well, nevermind. its just terrible! hahha, i showed my bro my script., and his reaction was like 'wat?! i wonder if u do any studying'.. he told me to look at his paper on the sofa, which was labelled 'A-' at the top. duhzz... its only an assignment, a tutorial lor, i also did very well for my assignments. bloody hell...

not enuff time, but so much things to do.... howhowhow?!!!!!

i wana bang my head against the wall.
seems tt i'm gona fail all my subjects for prelims ( excluding mkting)

yuck... i suck at studying...
=(

I'M GOING CRAZY....!!

no, i'm not singing britney spear's song... i'm really going crazy! on the verge of pulling my hair out from my head. oh no...!!! arghhhhhhhh.......

exams are just 1 mth away... i haven started studying. i mean i did started studying, but... oh... wat am i tokin abt?! sheesh.. i've written notes on my cards, the usual way i whld do when revising for a subject. but i find tt my memory hasn't been very gd lately, or perhaps it has been like this all the time. or isit coz i revision was a flop? i mean, i used to plan wat i shld study for the day, cramming a few subjects into a day. but now... haizz... so after reading this subject, i'd go onto another subject and forgotten wat i've read previously. tian ahhhh!!!!

wat to do, wat shld i do, wat to doo????!!!

last thurs i had this stupid stomach ache for the whole day. tink i was worrying for my exam, den too gan chiong. i dunoo... i dunoo!! i'm freaking out! on 1 hand, very worried abt passing all my subjects, yet on the other hand, don't feel like studying! sort of trying to run away from reality... arrggghh! aunt said 'but this isin't de 1st time ur having exams, so y are u feeling this way?' yes, i noe it does sound stupid, but i can't help but feel anxious. the anxiety is building up in me every min, and every day as every second pass by. i can't help but tink days passes very quickly. i don't like to count down to how many days are left for me to revise!! but... i'm really left with only 1 mth! my 1st paper is on 12th may- economics! 13th may- AF, 17th may - mkting, 27th may- hrm, 2nd june - cbis.

sobzz... i haven felt this way. or rather i did,... last yr! seriously i dont wish for the history to repeat itself, i really desperately wana do well. i...i.......i....
ARRGGHHH!!

grampa's death anniversary is this friday... and same as last yr, i have class on tis very fateful day. haizz... time really flies. a blink of the eye and 1 yr has passed...

today bought gramma 'tao suan' and 'bubu cha cha' for daddy, and ice jelly for me! den gramma paid me $2 after eating. of coz i refused to take de $, but she insists i take it, coz she said i'm still not working permanently now. haizz... of coz i really wana give them a portion of my earnings nxt time. but wat i was afraid of is tt when i finally can come out to the society and work, i wonder if she still can wait tt long. i noe i'll be graduating nxt yr... but 1 yr may seem short, yet it seem long too! i can wait, but the qns is.........can she wait? perhaps i'm being pessimistic, but den, again, things can just happen so suddenly, and sometimes we're just caught off hand. so... well......

i wana do well, i wana exam to b over, i wana go on holiday, i wana sleep till i wake up days later without being awoken by the stupid alarm, i wana exercise, i wana watch movies, i wana play, i wana go to the beach, i wana watch tv as if i'm glued to it, i wana gather with frenz and chat till mid nite, i wana hav sleepovers, i wana read storybooks, i wana THIS, i wana THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANA DO LOTSA THINGS!!

but this have to wait after my exam...
=(

muahahahaaa... was luffing non-stop when i saw my jc ct's friendster!!! oh my godness me!!! hahahhaa... didnt noe teachers were into tis kinda thingy also. and guess wat? de pic he put on the main was his fav singer... lolz. ok la, i guess teachers are also humans who also hav idols... hehehe. but i can't help but feeling he wasn't tt into such 'teenager' stuff...

hahaa... my 1st reavtion was like 'wat the hell is he doing here...?!!' and also, he was linked to several of my classmates! euuw... hope he doesn't ask me. dun tink he'll b interested though, coz obviously i weren't 1 of his fav or best students. hahahaha... neither do i wana b. heh! coz he was 1 of a hell lamer.. his jokes weren't funny, and i tot he had 1 of the weirdest attitude! giving weird remarks and having tt stupid sly smile of his... yucks!! and he is always wearing tight pants which i always tot will split if he were to walk faster. hahaha... wana show off he did manage to loose off so much weight. chey!! and he looks awefully stern and aloof when he's aint smiling, which in the 1st place whld b better den when he did smile.... am i very critical of him? perhaps so...coz i still rem he'll give me very stupid obvious ans when i was asking him maths qns, and while answering me, he'll give a 'this is such an easy qns and i tink ur plain stupid' look. and he did sound like tt!! or perhaps i was just too sensitive, or perhaps he did had high hopes on me. hahaha... too bad manz! i only scored a C fore maths-c... hehhe. but i was somewhat surprised and had more confidence when he told my parents i was more of an A student, when i actually scored an F for prelims. lolz... all of them was shocked... aiya, its all over and in the past. so no point harping on it too...

lallaalla... hmmm... wonderful memories i had back in SRJC. esp when we were in band, practising till late at nite for the band competition and also concerts and performance etc. I JUST SIMPLY LURV IT!! ;)

ahh chooooo!! sneeze sneeze... oops! accidentally sneezed when i was abt to blog for todae. hahha, my aunt said i havta eat more vitamins as it seems to her i've always been falling sick, esp during exam time.

hahha... haven been blogging in coz my aunt's computer need a password to log-on, therefore i can't use the computer, neway it can't log-on to the internet due to some problems. have been staying with her now and den, coz its much quiet to study thr. but is quite lonely when it comes to meal time, coz i've got to go down to the mkt / coffee shop to get my lunch. hahhaa, den tt'll b the exucse i have to be lazy and while eating my lunch, i'll watch vcds! lolz... slack man!!!

didnt study much todae... woke up late coz the stupid bloody samsung hp didnt ring!!! must have becoz i put it in silent mode, coz i tot it'll still ring like nokia hps. arghh... den woke up at 1130am wid a headache... and it carried on till now... sheesh! read a little hrm here and thr.. but watched tv most of the day, coz many programmes are on the last episode. hahaha.. besides, tml is a sat! meaning i can still study in de noon coz aaron will b out for tuition mah. lalalalaa... and no sch till tues. oh noo...!

sianzz...