emotions come to me very easily these few days, tink its becoz of yesterday when we visited the grave. im toking to sweeyee now. she said tt i shldn't cry and be sad, coz grampa whldn't like himself to be the reason for me to be sad. frankly speaking, i haven cried so much all my life. i never knew my heart could ache like this..... never knew tears could come to me so easily. never knew he whould be so far away from me today............
 
i tink im stress over my work. i feel as though im overworking myself, pushing myself into isolation and darkness. i don't noe.... after grampa's death, i had my exams, den after exams i worked. i mean its not tt i don't go out wid my frenz. i dread for the sun to set, i hate the moment when im all alone, having ample time to set my brain cells loose. having time alone means i have the time to tink of the unhappiness... i hate it.. hate it!! i whld love to think of grampa.. but i can't control it when my brain starts to wonder somewhr else.. the whole cycle keeps repeating....everything starts replaying whenever i think of him. again and again and again.... its scary. from tt very moment, to after his death....and to now. reality sucks!
 
i never knew my heart could ache like this... its very terrible...... its so painful tt no words could ever describe this feeling. i'm scared the whole cycle whld repeat itself... coz i still have 2 grammas here. just went visttin ah ma in the evening, she refused to let me go hm when im leaving. i tink i'll visit her more often nxt time. thinking of grampa, now i realise actually both of my grammas are also deteriorating. they're getting more skinny... im really very scared.
 
i yearn for peace and tranquility.