im feelin much betta nowadays, duno whether if its becoz exams r over, so de heavy load is off my shlders 4de time being. dot just broke up wid zac... she seems ok 2me when i met her4 a swim tt day. coz i tot i needed exercise, and its also gd4 her 2exercise n take her mind off tt.hope she'll cope well wid tt la.. but all along she wasn't tt gd at managing such stuff, so hope she'll b fine tis time. try2 put all de unhappy things behind u, i tink tts de best thing u can do. i mean, i tink i had a worse ordeal as compared2 her, but nevertheless, both matters cause us pain.. if i can see it thru, den i see tt she can also rite?

i still misses grampa alot..but i guess i hab other things2 tink abt rather den puttin my soul n mind on it. i mean.... grampa is realli gone, tt's a fact which i cant change. if i chld & hab de powers, i whld stop tt frm happening of coz.. but i guess its always betta 2tink otherwise.. he maybe betta over at de other side.. 49 days of his death is over.. as according2 de buddhist readings, every1 will recarnate within de 49 days, or on de 49th day. grampa is a gd man, so i realli tink tt he'll find peace, comfort & joy, b it wherever he is, i wish him all de best. i told him i'll miss him, we'll all miss him. im nt sure if he can hear me, but i guess he will feel de same way........sometimes in de middle of de nite, just b4 i go 2bed,i may just tink of him suddenli, and de pain comes back...esp when i tot of tt fateful day.no1 will ever 4get.......

gramma is fine i guess... but still sometimes making a molehill out of nth...but we're all tryin2 give way 2her.

de nxt person im worried abt is ah mah...i went2 visit her on wednesday,got a shock...i dun wish2 say tt...but de way she's behaving, looks like how grampa looked b4 he passed away. so at de thought of tt,i cried....i tink mom noes wat i was tinking,but she was solemn. i noe every1 has2 go thru wat we call de 'life cycle'. but it is de pain tt i feel terrible abt.its true tt we'll b fine after tt,but it is during tt very moment when time passes very slowli...and we wish tt time can turn back....i dun deny tt im afraid tt ah mah will nt last thru. im guilty coz im nt close2 her..coz after 20yrs, i still cant speak a proper sentence of teo chew..like grampa, she has slimmed down alot...and its realli ALOT. de way she looked at me... im afraid.i maybe strong as some of my frenz see me..but im nt sure if i can take such things..esp 2at a go..

though i haven been thru a relationship heart ache, but sometimes i tink tt wat im goin thru seems 2b more n worse den those whu experience breakups... sometimes i tink if onli ppl can tink of other things, de other type of pain tt ppl experience den they'll feel less pain... but guess it depends on every individual.....haizz...if onli...